When things get tough, as they are wont to do, it becomes increasingly more important to know who you are and of what you are capable. (Side note:  While that is grammatically correct, saying “of what you are capable” feels pretentious.  I’m aware of this.  Please hold your snobbery comments for something less obvious.  Kthx.)  As evidenced by the previous few posts, there has been quite a lot of thinking going on in these parts, and even more dealing with the maelstrom of chaos that has a habit of sweeping into my life every so many years.  Okay… months.  So, I’ve been doing some serious self analysis and evaluation.  I mean, there are certain things you really do need to know about yourself before you can take on the rest of life’s problems.  Here are the crucial things I’ve learned:

1. While I know it’s fashionable to appreciate Modern Dance, I can’t stand it.  I’m very sorry, but any recital or production of Modern Dance that I’ve experienced has always had that “I’m full of Emo teen angst so I’m going to writhe around on the floor and look pained” feel.  This does not, however, explain my appreciation for slam and beat poetry.  Don’t try and understand the paradox there.
2. I could feed 9 cannibals.  And should the need arise I am only 46% likely to eat my friends if trapped in a blizzard.  I don’t know how to feel about that, considering the fact that if I’m only 46% likely to eat my friends to survive, that means I have a 54% chance of being cannibalized.  I’m hoping that the fact that I would only feed 9 would keep me around a little longer.  And let’s face it, my friends wouldn’t be professional cannibals so I’d really only give it 6 or 7 due to their lack of experience.  Let’s hope logic prevails.
3. It makes me feel only slightly better that I’d have a 54% chance of surviving a Zombie Apocalypse. 
4. I really hate zombies.
5. Apparently my dreams of being an Astronaut were justifiably thwarted in the sixth grade.  I’d only have a 42% chance of surviving on the moon in the event of me surviving a crash landing there.  That, and I could only survive in the vacuum of space for 52 seconds.  (I’m starting to wonder how I would get myself in to these situations to begin with.  There should be a “How likely are you to find yourself in any of these situations?” quiz…)
6. But that’s okay because my dead body is apparently worth $2905.  Is that good? Is that enough to deter cannibalism?
7. People who aren’t polite enough to wave a simple “thank you” for letting them merge in rush hour traffic give me road rage that NPR just cannot quell.
8. I can only name 46 countries (out of 270), but only 35 colors(out of 238) in 5 minutes.  I call shenanigans on the Colors quiz!  They wouldn’t accept Hunter Green, Brick Red, Bittersweet, or other colors that Crayola has always taught me existed, but had Gamboge.  Wtf?!  Bob Ross and his happy little trees and his Thalo Blue cannot be wrong, and yet that didn’t make the list either.  Whatev.  I know my colors, y’all.
9. Stupidity makes me not like you.  The longer I’m exposed to it, the more I hate you with the blazing fire of a thousand suns.  If simple, every day occurrences confuse you–like how to answer a phone, or why clicking the same link 10 times fast slows down your computer and opens multiple pages, or, say, why walking into traffic without looking is a bad idea–you need to give me an additional 10 seconds to respond to you in any given conversation.  I’m trying to stop the aneurysm.
10. But if it comes down to taking-off-my-earrings-time, I’m not worried.  I can take on 34 five year olds in a fight before they drag me down!  I’m assuming that number has something to do with my willingness to use them as weapons if necessary, but I’ve learned not to question the mystic knowledge of crazy quizzes.  You’ve been warned…

If you’ve thought about these crucial aspects of your personality (you know you have), let me know how you compare.  I’ll be using that info when considering you for our fabled alliance. 

I’m off to prep my house for a potential zombie attack.  Later!

Tags: fun, Quizzes