I’m que solo this week while Jack is stationed in a Shining-like resort in the Middle-of-Nowhere, West Kentucky-ginia, and I think I forgot how to live by myself. It’s funny how you can live with a fierce independence for years and years and years and then suddenly everything is turned on its ear and changes completely in ways you never saw coming. After a few months, you totally forget how to interact in the world like you did in the first place. I’ve never experienced this before, but… I hear it’s called… “happiness”… and being … “comfortable”…
That’s all well and good, but the fact remains that I don’t like my world jostled at all, and I will still likely resort to eating Spaghetti-O’s for dinner (which, by the way, are a hell of a lot healthier than I ever expected them to be. Trust me, I’ve been overly label conscious for the past few weeks. Like… Label CRAZY). They aren’t the ideal dinner, but they are a million times better than the alternatives of Fatburger and Five Guys that my little hunger monster keeps screaming for every time I get into a vehicle.
II. Wait, why does that matter?
Oh, that’s right… My arteries are clogging with pounds of butter, blocks of cheese, and grease I have consumed over the years. For the first time in, oh, EVER I had blood work done to check my gauges. Turns out even though I have been known to eat enough sugar to down a small elephant in one sitting, my triglycerides are great, my “good” cholesterol is just fab, and my “bad” cholesterol is… Well, it’s something to be desired (and I’m not talking about the Pittsburgh based Internet series here, folks). Actually, it’s 240.
That means our eating habits have recently gone a major overhaul. Kind of. It’s much harder than I thought it would be, and some days I can’t help it and I find myself cheating. Today, for example, I had a gigantic bowl of apples & cinnamon oatmeal for lunch (good to help lower my cholesterol, and now my daily lunch of choice). An hour later I was dragged to the kitchen area where there were tacos, chips, salsa, and guacamole. I haven’t had a taco in… I can’t even tell you how long! So I had one. With cheese. And whatever kind of ground beef it was. And sour cream. I realized I didn’t have a clue what was in anything I was eating, and so I piled some freshly made delicious salsa & chips on to the plate and headed back to my desk.
You guys… I ate it all. I can’t help it… My will power is weakened…
III. Speaking of Super powers….
I’ve been on Chantix for a month now, and I still haven’t quit completely. My instinct is to consider that a failure, but according to my doctor, I made incredible progress, and “Keep it up!” I went from smoking a hell of a lot to only smoking roughly 3 cigarettes a day. Sometimes I don’t even do that. The emotional Pitfall (check out the ride at Kennywood, or the good ‘ole Demon Drop from Cedar Point back in the day) was insane, and I owe Jack, my family, my co-workers, and my friends a big one for putting up with that hysteria. It’s calmer now, and I’m aiming to be finished smoking entirely by the end of the week. I just can’t actually plan it. I have to trick myself into it just kinda … happening. If I try and put deadlines on my willpower, I’m guaranteed to fail. I have a remarkable superpower that not many folks know about:
I can rationalize absolutely anything.
I can justify buying any book or film that captures my interest… even if I already own three copies. Especially if I already own three copies… I don’t have this edition of the Complete Works of Edgar Allen Poe and Super-friends! This copy has rub on tattoos!
I can rationalize buying anything Shakespeare or Renaissance Period related. Anything. I don’t have that replica of Anne Boelyn’s ceremonial headpiece….
I can excuse away eating pretty damn near anything. Cake? I really shouldn’t, but I’m sure it’ll be okay since I plan on working out sometime later this week… err.. month… whatever. Just give me the cake…
I can rationalize having one more cigarette. I’ve been smoking for half my life, one more won’t matter. Or the personal favorite of my subconscious: Well that really wasn’t ceremonial or momentous or meaningful in any way… I’ll just have to have another one and make sure to make it count next time.
But I’m making progress on the health front. I exercised yesterday for the first time in forever. I did it on my own with Carmen Electra making me want to punch the TV every time I glanced up at her and she was in yet another cute workout outfit. And usually in heels. SO THAT’S WHAT I’M DOING WRONG…
IV. The Stars Never Lie… Much.
Aries (March 21- April 19) Horoscope for week of August 6, 2009
Hey, I like order and rules and boundaries and explanations. I also like Astrology. The good kind. Not the kind you get out of your daily paper. I find star charts fascinating and in my experience with my own and those of family and friends, eerily accurate when done thoroughly. Nevertheless, I enjoy bouncing around to find interesting Astrology sites, and this one at FreeWillAstrology.com just so happened to catch my eye today. I haven’t tested the accuracy yet, but we’ll see. I can’t say I mind the snarkiness, either.