So I was supposed to start this massive new diet on Monday to prepare for my brother’s wedding. Monday ended up being my “last day of decadence” and I planned to start Tuesday. yesterday was almost successful (I guess? Maybe?) but I could not resist the call of Girl Scout peanut Butter Cookies…. Vile Temptresses! So I’ve had to rewind and do some thinking and evaluating, and thus, I’ve come to a number of realizations:
- I hate dieting.
- I know nothing about dieting.
- I have a difficult time telling the difference between bullshit claims and real “science.”
- The only times I ever lost weight before were by accident, and it was a mix of severe stress, anxiety, and workaholism. Oh, or having a hospital worthy illness. I’m not particularly interested in reviving any of the above.
- I did accidentally lose 20 lbs in undergrad by eating only soup… but that was far from intentional, and I’m not sure it would work again.
- I am WAY LESS ACTIVE than I used to be. Running between colleges to teach, sleeping 2-3 hours a night, and being a college athlete kept me pretty fit. The last serious activity I had was YinzTeam softball, and I broke a bone. Absurd.
- I know I have to start exercising, but actually doing it is the problem. I find it boring. Like REALLY boring. Can’t I just play a video game and have it shave off pounds? Ahh… welcome back Wii Steve! (Maybe the Jillian Michaels Wii work out too? Anyone try this?)
- I need advice from people who actually dieted and had success.
- I do not want to give up butter. I don’t think I can do it. Sugar, I can cut way back on. Butter? … Not a chance. You can tell me to eliminate all butter from my diet, and I will nod and say “Ok” and within 48 hours (if that) I’ll be eating butter because I can’t resist.
- I’ve been hesitant to discuss this for a lot of reasons: embarrassment, fear of family and friends judging me, admitting it openly means it’s really necessary, and just general “Oh wow, did you see Dawn gained some weight?” apprehensions. Well, tough. I need to buck up and do it, and if I’m going to do it, I need support from family and friends. It’s SO much easier for me to rationalize not exercising, and not eating healthier if I’m the only one I would be accountable to. I have a blog and connections to tons of friends, readers, and utter strangers…. why not use them for support & accountability?
So forgive me for volunteering you for this job, but how often do you have someone asking you to crack the whip? Yeah, yeah, I know I should only care about my health, and being accountable to myself “because that’s what really matters,” but let’s face it folks… That’s just not me. Yes, I want to wear my cute little bikinis again, but I’m a hermit at heart. My cholesterol is still high (I’m assuming) and my waist line now puts me at a high risk for heart disease. Considering my family history, I can’t afford to put this off any longer. Not if I want to live a long, happy life with kids and a retirement on a beach somewhere. So I need some help, otherwise I’ll end up burrowing in to a library and 20 years from now you’ll need to get me out with a crane.
What diet strategies have worked for you? What has NOT worked? What would you recommend for me? I need to lose at least 20 pounds (max 30) in 9 months and lower my cholesterol. I’m aiming to start Monday January 14th, full throttle. I’m edging my way toward dieting, like slowly getting in to a cold pool. I figure that i have 9 months, and if one thing doesn’t seem to be working, I have time for another strategy. And, you know, if it doesn’t work, I can always get liposuction in October. (I kid, I kid! …. maybe)
The forum is yours folks, and all answers are welcome.
**Day 1 completely cigarette free.**