I can understand the connection we all have to technology these days.  Hell, I destroyed my last phone because I left it on “vibrate” on a shelf balancing precariously over a tub of soapy water while doing dishes.  I can even understand not having enough time in the day to do everything you need to do, or talk to everyone you need to talk to, so you squeeze that call in whenever you can.  But really, is it absolutely necessary to talk on the phone while going to the bathroom in a public restroom?

Not only is that just… wrong in general… it’s incredibly rude to both the person on the phone with you and anyone else who might happen to be in that bathroom at the same time you’re having a marathon conversation.  And that person usually ends up being me.

The fact that you don’t seem to care that the person on the other end hears you doing your business, or anyone else’s, doesn’t bother me so much as the fact that you assume that people around you are going to be courteous while you hold said conversation.  Nay, you expect people to be courteous!

No.

No, no, no no no!

When you glare at me for turning on the sink to wash my hands, or for activating the automatic hand drying, thus interrupting your all important phone call, it makes me want to rip that phone from your hand and drop it in a toilet!  Don’t expect other people to keep quiet and be courteous when you have chosen quite possibly one of the single most inappropriate locations for a phone call there is!

When I stood there today and watched you give me a look of death for washing my hands while you were still chatting, I felt bad.  I felt like I was being rude.  Like I was being inconsiderate.  Then it occurred to me that it wasn’t me at all, but you!  What right do you have to make anyone else using a public facility properly feel bad?  When did that become your personal office?  When did you take control of a bathroom just by being in it?  And rather than turn around and tell you those things, or say, “Sorry, if you wanted a private conversation, maybe you shouldn’t be on the phone in a bathroom…” I went back to my office and tried not to be annoyed by the selfishness you exhibited. 

I came to the following conclusions:

A.  You’re rude.

B.  You have no dignity.

C. Your utter lack of the understanding of proper, respectful behavior in social groups makes me angry.  If I can adhere to them and not be reminded that talking about guys at the club this weekend is inappropriate, then so can you.

D.  If you know that it’s inappropriate and you just don’t care but assume everyone should bow down and kiss your shoes, that makes me even angrier, ’cause honey, those ratty-ass things just don’t warrant kissin’!

So I’ll make a deal with You…

Leave your phone in your pocket, or keep your conversations to another outdoor space, and I’ll go about my business as politely as any person in a shared community facility should be.

But the next time You are in the bathroom talking on the phone, the little white frilly “polite” gloves come off.  I’m going to flush every toilet I can get to.  Twice.  I’m going to start singing “I Will Survive” at the top of my lungs, and I’m going to make as much racket as possible washing my hands.  If I’m wearing heels, I’ll pretend I’m Ginger Rogers and tap as loudly, and badly, as possible!  I may even break out into a vignette from “Stomp!”  Maybe you’ll get the picture. 

Who knows, the outburst of energy might do me some good!  I daresay my doctors would approve of me expressing my irritation rather than bottling it up and storing that converted stress into jaw spasms. 

……”At first I was afraid…. I was petrified….”……

Tags: Life, rants, society